You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
