I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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