Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
