The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
third nipple confirmed
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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