I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
