If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
