Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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