I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
