I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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