Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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