im about as happy as oj after his trial
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
