I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
