Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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