This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
