smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
