That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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