Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
