what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
