And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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