Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
