the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
