i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
