Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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