i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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