Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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