drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
