This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
