I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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