when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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