finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
