yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize