Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
