U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I will pee on everything he values.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
