i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
