is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
