She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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