Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
