is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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