Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
