at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
