I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
