ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
