I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
