my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
