its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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