im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
