i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
