How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
