Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
