Soap is not a condiment
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
