TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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