Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
