I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
