Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
