Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
only you would photoshop your dick
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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