I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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