I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
