I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
