Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
