i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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