you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
