It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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