Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
