you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I will be naked everywhere
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
