Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
