I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
