I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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