Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just sucked dick on a ferry
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
