My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
