____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize