I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
