It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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